I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
