When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
