Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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