Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
