Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
