Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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