actually, I'm a sock model
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
