Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
