You really coming over, don't trick.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
a search helicopter?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize