i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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