He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
