I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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