Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
being pregnant is like rehab
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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