i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is Oprah even human
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
