I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize