I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
