this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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