i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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