I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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