Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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