I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
