It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
