I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
