Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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