from now on my penis is your penis
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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