So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
