are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
