You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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