i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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