last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You smell like stripper and shame
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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