How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Two words: blizzard sex
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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