Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
