Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
