oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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