I will die if light touches me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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