The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
