the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
