oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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