My hand turned me down
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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