And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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