I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
