Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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