I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
