the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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