i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
