drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
