if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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