Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
