I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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