why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
