Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
