Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
