i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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