im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
