My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
