im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
