Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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