Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
