did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
