Will you blow on my dice?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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