I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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