Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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