Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
