A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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