I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
