It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
