Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
