man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
