How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
