How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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