Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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