if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
