he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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