if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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