So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
