I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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