I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i already hear my dad disowning me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
