Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
