whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize