Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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