oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My feet surprised me
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