I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
