It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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