college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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