there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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