In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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