I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have post one night stand depression
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