Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize