the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
