He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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