no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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