you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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