every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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