The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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