Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
