i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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