you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
