i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
