That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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