Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
