Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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