Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
even my farts smell like vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize