You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
