you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
