He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
