hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
