You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
