last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
