Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
