I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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