Are we in a gay sports bar?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
