I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
