you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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