how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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