I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
