i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so much tequila, so little girl.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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